


Someday

by respoftw



Series: 2018 Hurt/Comfort Bingo [13]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 04:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15922652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: It had been the longest two months of Rodney’s life. Longer than his wait for his college acceptance letter; the idiots at Stanford dragging their heels over the decision to let a 13 year old kid matriculate. It even felt longer than the interminable two months they had spent waiting for the IOA to pull their heads out of their asses and allow Atlantis to finally return back to the Pegasus Galaxy.Of course, it had been more than two months of waiting really but knowing how close he was to finally getting everything he had been waiting for these past 7 years made those final two months feel like a lifetime. But it was done. Finally. DADT was no more.





	Someday

**Author's Note:**

> Melissa, don't read this one (lol) That warning probably goes for all of the happy ever after McShep shippers too.

It had been the longest two months of Rodney’s life. Longer than his wait for his college acceptance letter; the idiots at Stanford dragging their heels over the decision to let a 13-year-old kid matriculate. It even felt longer than the interminable two months they had spent waiting for the IOA to pull their heads out of their asses and allow Atlantis to finally return back to the Pegasus Galaxy.

Of course, it had been more than two months of waiting really, but knowing how close he was to finally getting everything he had been waiting for these past 7 years made those final two months feel like a lifetime. But it was done. Finally. DADT was no more.

Rodney fussed over his hair in the mirror but no matter how hard he pulled at it, his hairline didn’t move any further forward. He knew he was being stupid. John saw him every single day, he knew what Rodney’s hair looked like. He knew everything about Rodney and he had still wanted to be with him. Rodney smiled at the thought. He would finally get to be with John. Who the hell cared what his hair looked like when he was finally going to end seven years of pining?

Sometimes Rodney wished that John would have made his move back when they didn’t know each other that well. Back when John was just the spiky-haired flyboy who was passable at math and liked to lean on things. Rodney would have said yes in a heartbeat. He would have gone down to his knees in a second, not giving a damn about the military regs.

But John hadn’t done that. John had waited until he was the best thing in Rodney’s life, his closest friend, the hero of Atlantis and the only military commander in the world that Rodney would have entrusted with Atlantis’ safety. Rodney couldn’t risk that. _Wouldn’t_ risk that. The thought of what would happen if Caldwell or, god forbid, Ellis found out that John was gay, that he was pursuing a relationship with another man...  Rodney couldn’t let himself be the reason John lost his career, couldn’t be the reason Atlantis lost the best thing that ever happened to it.

Saying no to John was the hardest thing he had ever done.

God, he couldn’t wait to say yes.

John’s door was locked when Rodney arrived at it and Rodney almost had the console that housed the crystal locks off when he realised that he should probably just knock instead. That felt right; good, even. John had knocked on his door seven years ago after all. It was only right that he return the favour.

Rodney rapped on John’s door, waited for a second, and then waved his hand over the sensor that would chime in John’s quarters as well. He rocked back and forth on his heels excitedly and felt his breath catch in his throat when John’s door started to slide open.

The door slid open just enough to reveal John standing there, shirtless and sweaty. Rodney felt his mouth go dry. He’d thought that things would progress quickly once he showed up but John looked halfway there already and Rodney wanted nothing more than to start sucking on the place where John’s shoulder and neck met.

“McKay? What are you -“ John broke off to cast a look into his room before changing track. “Do you know what time it is?”

Ok, fine, maybe it was the middle of the night but it was just past midnight Washington DC time and Rodney didn’t want to wait for a second more than he had to. He took a step forward, expecting John to move and let him in but John held the door tighter, frowning.

“It’s the middle of the night, Rodney. Whatever it is, can it wait until morning?”

“What? _No_.” Rodney frowned. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go. “No, it can’t wait. It’s waited seven years, John. Seven years! I’m done waiting.”

Rodney took another step, drawing himself close to John. Close enough to kiss, to lick, to - -

John sprang back, the door sliding all the way open to reveal John’s comically small bed with the sheets all twisted and - - Rodney stopped cold. Stopped moving forward; stopped breathing almost.

Lt Colonel Evan Lorne was tangled up in those twisted sheets, his chest bare and gleaming, his eyes so full of sympathy and understanding that Rodney hated him.

“Hey, doc,” Lorne said, breaking the silence that neither he or John seemed able to surmount. “You couldn’t wait to be the first to congratulate Colonel Sheppard on the DADT repeal, huh?”

Rodney knew Lorne was giving him an out and, despite the way his heart felt like it had been torn in two, he forced a smile on his face and took it.

“Yes, yes,” he said quickly. “Congratulations Sheppard. Well, ah, I suppose that should be congratulations to the both of you.” He heard the waver in his voice and cleared his throat, his eyes darting around the room, never staying in one place too long. They didn’t need to in order to see that whatever John and Evan had, it wasn’t new, it wasn’t cheap. There were signs of a serious relationship everywhere, from the easel that most definitely wasn’t John’s set up beside the window to the tea strainer set on John’s dresser.  John hated tea.  It was one of the many things Rodney loved about him. Rodney had no doubt that he would find two toothbrushes in John’s bathroom if he wanted to torture himself some more.

“It, ah, it must be a relief,” he heard himself say, “not to have to hide it anymore. I mean, you’ve done well in keeping it quiet but it must have been, what, a few months? A year?”

“Five years,” Evan said quietly. “Almost six.”

Rodney felt like he’d been punched in the stomach.

“Six years? Really? Well, some genius I am, right?” Rodney laughed, masking the sob that wanted to escape. “Anyway, I’ve taken up enough of your night. I just wanted to offer my congratulations on the, well, the, ah, the two of you. So, congratulations. I’ll, I’ll see myself out.”

“Rodney, wait—“

John spoke out for the first time since Rodney had barged his way in and Rodney ignored it, pushing past him before he could embarrass himself anymore.

“Let him go, John,” he heard Evan say. Rodney picked up the pace and walked quicker, just in case he heard anything else.

He found himself back in his own room, breathing heavily, a pain in his chest that had nothing to do with running half way there. Turning, he caught sight of himself in the mirror, his stupid hair sticking up and the rolled up sleeves of his t-shirt looking pathetic. The mirror cracked as Rodney’s fist hit it, his knuckles splitting and welling up red.

The pain gave his tears permission to fall and Rodney left the broken shards where they fell, rummaging around his cupboard for the bottle of malt that he’d taken from Carson’s belongings back when Carson was dead and there wasn’t a clone to complain about theft. Rodney took a long swallow, grimacing as it burned. He collapsed on to his bed, the bottle dangling from his bleeding hand and tried to pretend that he hadn't spent the seven years hopelessly in love with someone who didn’t love him back.

* * *

Rodney’s head was pounding the next day and the way all of his staff seemed to be squealing at each other wasn’t helping. That, and the banners that had appeared all over the city celebrating the end of DADT. Four couples had already asked Woolsey’s permission to marry, each impending nuptial announced over the citywide radio channel, and Rodney couldn’t bear the thought of John and Lorne being next.

It was really for the best that he decided to hold himself up in a far-flung corner of the city where no one would think of looking for him.

“You turned me down.”

Rodney dropped the wrench he was using to tinker with nothing in particular at the sound of John’s voice. He shouldn’t have been surprised that John found him but he was surprised that he had bothered to look at all.

“Seven years ago, you said no. Don’t get me wrong, it was a polite no. Best no I’ve ever gotten but that didn’t stop it hurting. It hurt like hell. I spent an entire year getting you out of my head and then you show up last night and - - explain this to me, Rodney, because I’m missing something here. When you saw Evan last night, you looked - you didn’t look the way that someone who broke my heart had the right to look.” John sounded half-crazed.

Rodney picked up his wrench and went back to tinkering. “I told you why I was there last night, Colonel.”

“I don’t buy that.” John sounded closer now and Rodney’s shoulders started to feel tight. He wanted to move away except he didn’t; he wanted to move closer. He wanted everything.

“It’s a good thing I’m not selling anything then,” Rodney snapped back. “I congratulated you. What else do you want?”

John didn’t answer that and that made Rodney angry. He’d gone to all the bother of tracking Rodney down and for what? What did he even want?

“I don’t know,” John said quietly. “I don’t...you turned me down.”

Rodney put his wrench down, turned around and looked at John. “You and I remember that conversation very differently,” he said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get this finished. It’s a very delicate repair and you’re distracting me.”

“Rodney, you know that I never meant to hurt you.” John sounded wrecked and it was more than Rodney could take. He turned back to the open panel, his eyes threatening to tear up again. He hadn’t cried in years and then twice in two days. He supposed that was what a broken heart did to you.

“Rodney, please.”

Rodney ignored him, trying to focus on the crystals through blurring eyes.

“If I had thought that - -“

“John!” Rodney interrupted, his voice raised. “Leave. _Please_ leave.” His tears could be heard in his voice and Rodney hated it. Hated it even more when John sucked in a pained breath at the sound.

“I’m sorry.” John’s apology sounded small and hopeless but it was followed by the sound of him leaving so Rodney felt like he could breathe again.

When he was sure that John was gone, Rodney slumped to the floor, his head in his hands and tried not to scream. After a while, he picked up his tools and started to work again. Anything to stop from thinking.

* * *

 

  
_“John?”_

_John paused in the doorway of Rodney’s room but he didn’t look back, didn’t see the anguish on Rodney’s face; too busy with his own hurt at being turned down by someone that he truly thought loved him back._

_“Maybe someday, when the US military gets their heads out their asses. I mean I know it could be years but...you could ask me again?”_

_John closed his eyes and tried not to laugh. It was nice of Rodney to try and make him feel better but John knew better. No one would wait that long. Not for him. He forced the approximation of a smile on his face even though he didn’t turn around, hoping Rodney would hear it in his voice and not feel any more guilty than he already did._

_“Sure,” he lied. “Someday...someday I’ll ask again.”_

**Author's Note:**

> This fills the ‘Unrequited Pining’ square of my H/C bingo card which you can see [here](https://respoftw.dreamwidth.org/19969.html#cutid1)
> 
> Please feel free to suggest which square I do next, I'm aiming for blackout! (there's only 5 left to be picked)


End file.
